I Love You Never Felt Like Any Blessing

I've pretty much had the same song stuck in my head for a week now. Dangit.
So the fight with Jeff was worked out pretty well. I believe I did overreact in some regards, and I wish I knew how to control that. I really wish I did. I'm doing better though. I didn't bombard him with texts after we said goodbye, even though I had more I wanted to say. I waited. It was hard, but I waited. And when I did talk to him again, there was no drama. It was easy. Things with him aren't perfect, but they're certainly so much easier than with my last boyfriend. Things that we would have fought about to the point of breakup, with Jeff he just simply passes over as if they're nothing. It's nice. The only thing is I wish I got to talk to him more. He's always so busy, and he's not a big texter. I miss him.

I only went to work two days this week. Two were holiday, one was a snow day our boss let us have off due to weather. It's nice. Next week we get Tuesday off too because it's New Years Day. So excited! But then it's back to the normal grind.

We get profit sharing Monday though so I'm very excited for that. It will be nice to have the extra money, even though I'm saving most of it. I may need it for a decent wedding/honeymoon, or when I want to buy a dog, or another vacation, or simply for retirement or emergencies.

Plus Monday is the December birthday dinner so that should be delicious, and quite possibly free.

 

My Beloved Was Weighed Down

Maybe I really am the issue in all of my relationships. Had an argument today. And of course I'm still miserable about it. I'm miserable until every detail is worked out. Why am I so obsessive? Why can't I just let things go?

And on the other hand, why should I? Why should I let something go that has hurt me with no apology and no compromise? When we haven't talked through the things that are unfair and hurtful, without reassurances that perhaps I'm worrying for no reason? Don't I deserve to be put at ease?

I hope he does what he says he will and calls me tonight. If not idk what I'll do. I just want to erase today and start over.

I'm so tired.

 

So Tell Me Now Where Was My Fault In Loving You With My Whole Heart

Jeff says we can talk tomorrow finally. So excited! I miss my baby.

Tomorrow is also Christmas Eve, which is exciting as well. I'm not sure I'll be doing anything exciting. Just going over to see my family for a bit probably. I made sugar cookies but I cooked them too long and now they're too crunchy for my liking, so I'll take those over to David, my stepdad. He likes his cookies crunchy. The freak.

I'm having a Harry Potter marathon. I wanted to watch Elf first but it's not on Netflix. Lame.

I'm also getting into Downton Abbey. But only the first series is on Netflix! Netflix needs to get it together. Though I have to give them some slack since they have such awesome titles as Pocahontas, Mouse Hunt, Fern Gulley, and Matilda. 90s fun, bitches!

<< me in 50 years.

We're Gonna Party Like It's 3012 Tonight

Yes. I did just quote Bieber.

Anyhoo. 12-21-12 gone and we're all still here. Though let's not forget the Mayans could be off due to the new concept of Leap Years. ;)

I've been to two Christmas parties for family in two days. Spent the night with Heather last night. And went ahead and used a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond. All in all, not too shabby.

I do miss my boyfriend though. He's been so busy....but I wish he would make a scrap of time to talk to me. It's upsetting. He's agreed to set aside some time, but I haven't heard back from him about when.

Raise Your Weapons

I'm enjoying at least one project at work now. We're redesigning a magazine to show them how they can improve it, and I love it. I've always wanted to do magazine work. I loved yearbook in school and this is similar. Yearbook/scrapbooking are the reason I decided to go into graphic design.

I'm getting re-addicted to HEX, which stands for Hogwarts Extreme, an online HP RPG. Dorky, I know. Can't help it. Love it.

You Desired my Attentions but Denied My Affections

I haven't talked to my boyfriend really in days. He's been working so much....I miss him. I did get to spend the weekend having fun with my friends though. We went to dinner, then out to see The Hobbit, then shopping at Wal*Mart Friday. Heather stayed the night with me that night and also last night. We drank a lot of tea...I tried it with milk for the first time. It was really good. And then we cooked dinner last night and ate off of nice china. Why? Because we can. Only thing is I think I ruined it because I think I came across as mean to Heather in an argument about the Dr. Pepper campaign of all things. Idk how that escalated so quickly. But I felt like a bad friend.

Anyway, I'm going to probably bake some cookies and have some more tea here in a bit.

Inbetween the Lines There's a Lot of Obscurity

We've run into some issues at work. We're all going to have to work a bit harder to make up for our losses. Thank goodness I have a good boss who is handling the situation with grace, and is kind enough to take a hit for his employees.

Meanwhile, our company Christmas party is tomorrow, and we're going out to eat at Barron's. I've always remembered this one dish I had there that I loved and I've never had again. And I'm super stoked because I'm finally going to get it again! Woo! And there will be a white elephant exchange and I think even some more games and giveaways, plus I get to bring one guest, so my best friend Tiffany is coming.

Heather is also coming in this weekend for the holidays, so I'm super excited about that too. There shall be a tea party. And not the kind with republicans.

 

You'll Be Waiting in Vain

I'm going to try to start up my activity on Hex again. Actually it's quite appropriate, since I really started to get into it around Christmas-time. I'm a fourth year there now. Has it really been so long? I guess it has.

I'm also starting to notice that I measure my life time-line in terms of the lengths of my romantic relationships. I'm so odd.

Snape, Snape, Severus Snape

Little Thai House for lunch today. Definitely one of my favorite restaurants. Then I had supper at home/my mom's and Davids house. This is my first weekend home without anything much to do in a very long time. I am staying up late and doing mundane things and generally just enjoying my relaxation and the fact that I know I can sleep in tomorrow. It will be nice.

And so will be the pasta that I just made.

Hey. Did you guys know that it's Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day? Or it was. It's 2:30 in the morning now so technically it was yesterday. But still. Fun fact for all.

Shine Bright

I had so many projects to work on today. They were all mostly small things, but there were just a lot of them. Things are still stressful. My student loan is way more than I thought it would be. We misunderstood the paper. So I've had to change my plan to the graduated plan, and just hope that my income will increase enough as the monthly payments increase. Feels like a gamble to me. But what choice do I have?

Marriage is sounding more and more appealing by the second. Not only do I love him, but...it's actually financially beneficial.

My tummy is firmer and a tad thinner. I feel like my hip bones are a bit more defined. I weigh about the same on the scale though. I'm having trouble losing weight. I feel that I've lost some in fat, and regained weight in muscle, but it's still not much in fat that I've lost. I've got to eat better but it's hard. It's not like I'm a cow. How little do I have to eat a day to lose weight? Two celery sticks?

Damn. My cat just kicked litter EVERYWHERE over the carpet. He gets into everything, makes huge messes. He pulls down my curtains, chews my wires, unrolls my toilet paper, gets litter all over my floor, knocks over trashcans, pulls cotton out of pillows, gets into my cabinets and rips open food bags....ugh.

About to go read now.

I Wouldn't Wince at All

It's been a bit stressful lately. I can't really say what's going on, but it sucks. And it seems like solving the problem is taking forever. Just when I think I've got it under control something goes wrong.

Plus all of these totally unexpected expenses are popping up. My brakes in my car started to grind something awful, and that cost me about $75 to repair. $25 for medical things, then I got two bills in the mail today for something I cancelled a long time ago. I'll be calling them to see what's up. Plus my student loans finally came in and I have to start paying them off this month. Another $25 or so to get my oil changed this weekend. But, believe it or not, my electric bill for November was zero dollars. Somehow, I owe nothing. I think I even have a credit of $36. A miracle. I wouldn't be able to afford any of these things I need if it weren't for that. God is good.

I once said thank God for a policeman and a timely babysitter when this autistic kid wandered into our house. And some atheist posted on my comment about how I had just taken credit from two people who did exist and given it to someone who didn't. I don't understand why people have got to be so snarky. My best friend is atheist and she would never say something like that to me. It was rude, I didn't know this person at all. Obviously, I give credit to the babysitter and the policeman as well. Why can't people just let things like that pass? Why did he find it necessary to argue with me? Why can't he just acknowledge that there's someone out there who thinks differently and move on?

I say thank God for miracles. I can tell you what, my lack of electric bill this month was a miracle. But if you don't think it was, how does my thinking it is hurt you? I personally have never stood on a street with a sign that says "God hates _____" and I've never waged a holy war. Seriously. HOW does me thinking what happened was a miracle affect anyone else? Why do people make it their business to stick their nose into what I think like it pisses them off so much? Why do they care? Why does it hurt them so much for someone to believe something that they think is wrong? Sure. If it was something harmful, like believing that you should drink and drive or kill babies. But honestly. Believing in a miracle in my life does not affect yours at all. So what the heck is the problem?

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now. I'd be afraid I might get a lot of trolling on this post of people wanting to argue, but I never get any comments or views. I'm sure this is more like a venting page for me. Or on the off chance my ex remembers I have this and checks in on it.

I wonder why he doesn't. He texts every few months to see how I am. He should just come here if he's so curious. Ugh.

Things with Jeff are going well for the most part. He's talking marriage and I'm thinking I may say yes. I'm sure he'll propose within the next few months. He's basically told me he would. He's even fine with looking at ring types I like to get a feel for it.

Anyway. I need to go dry my laundry. Well, re-dry really. It takes like three runs.

Dueces.

 

Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

So I went to the Ren. Fest in Houston last weekend and it was an AMAZING time. We camped in the camping area all weekend and bought weekend long passes. The first night camping was basically just like one huge campsite-wide party. There were bonfires and drinks everywhere. And that was my first night sleeping in a tent outside. The portapotties weren't too fun though. Especially when I forgot to lock the door to one and someone opened it on me while I was mid-crouch over the bowl peeing. Wow.

On Saturday we woke up and went to the fair. I went in costume. Apparently you could see through the back of my skirt. I asked my friend if it was see-thru before we went but she said she couldn't see anything. Probably the morning lighting. But when we got there I was looking in a store of those sashes with the gold coins on them that gypsies wear. The guy was trying to sell me one. When I left he called me back and put one around me and said I was showing. How embarrassing. And just in case you're not counting, I'll do it for you: That's twice in two days that I was exposed. Anyway, I bought the sash and wore it the rest of the day, and the next day when we were there too.

The first day we shopped a lot, tried on corsets, etc. I bought a parasol in addition to the sash. We also saw a side show with this guy who did tricks with juggling with fire, a whip, and even nailed a nail into his nose up the nostril all the way. We saw a brief bit of the Birds of Prey show. I got my palm read.

Everything was ridiculously expensive.

That night I went to bed early as I was exhausted. I was also sunburned. The tent fell on me that night and I had to crawl out and get someone to help me fix it. It was quite an experience.



And the last day, we went to the fair again, and me and Tiffany rode an elephant! It was incredible. And their skin does NOT feel like what you'd think it would. We also watched the Fire-Whip show, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. A guy doing tricks with a whip, sometimes which is on fire. And sometimes more than one. Then me and Tiffany got our fortunes told. The creepy part is....the woman told me that I would have a decision to make in March. That I would move. And that in the summer...I would get pregnant. So. Which part of me doesn't buy, cuz she skirted around some questions and things. But she also predicted that Tiffany would have a second job over the holidays. When we left, Tiffany told me that she had been right, and that she'll be working at her Uncle's store over the holidays as well as her normal job. Sorta creeped me out. Plus, the way things are going with Jeff, I wouldn't be surprised if I was proposed to soon. In March?

Of course, I told Jeff about this. I'm assuming now that he'll ask in March just because I brought it up and maybe it planted the idea in his head to do it then. Maybe that's how fortunes come true. People hear them and then make them come true by the power of suggestion. Either way, I really hope the pregnancy part isn't true. I am not ready for a child.

So anyway, that was my Ren. Fest. escapade. I want to go every year now. It's incredibly fun and affordable. I mean it's expensive. But if you only go once a year and budget yourself. I mean come on, it's doable.

In other news, last night I tried to make homemade fries. And my stove sucks. My apartment filled with so much smoke that the alarm went off, the whole apartment was hazy, I got a headache and eventually had to leave and go outside because it was burning my eyes and making me cry. It's not like I did badly on the fries. The stove got so hot that the outsides burned and the insides were absolutely raw. Inedible. And I only had them in the pan for a few minutes each, not on the highest heat either. Today my peas burned. How the hell do you burn peas? Ugh. Hate my stove.

<<Hey Jeffy! Looks like you fulfill all of these. Cept for the dog, which you've promised to buy in our future. Counts!

We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together

Getting ready for the Ren. Fest this weekend! Super excited. I'm even excited about sleeping in a tent. I've never done it before. I am nervous about bugs getting in though...if I wake up next to a spider, I don't think I'll sleep the rest of the weekend. I will be requiring everyone to keep the flaps closed and zipped at all times. They'll learn after the first time when I don't stop bitching and eventually give in.

In other news, which is actually huge news, we have now had our election! While the rest of Texas is getting ready to pack up to move out of the country, I'm secretly celebrating inside. If I tell my family I voted Obama, I'd probably be shunned. Glad both of my best friends have more similar ideas to me.

I swear, when I walked into the polling office, I heard some guy who was passing by saying loudly and obnoxiously that Obamacare would only "serve blacks," with a stupid, arrogant, hick grin on his face.

So I voted for him even harder.

Side note. My friend has just sent me a picture of a giant tub of a tea-colored drink. Then she proceeds to tell me she's mixed our drinks for the weekend. This is how she gives me the good news: "I just had power over your primary shitface material. Drink knowing it's two bottles of fruit punch vodka and everclear."

I love my best friends.

The Chemistry Between Us Could Destroy This Place

It's been forever since I've written! So much has changed since last time. I'm now living in my very own apartment, and budgeting myself relatively well. And I was so worried before!

I DID go over about $15 this month, but that's simply because I now have a BOYFRIEND, yes, a BOYFRIEND, and he lives about four hours away so it costs me to drive to see him. He'd come see me but he's in the Army and living on the barracks and he doesn't have a car. Anyway, he's getting paid soon so he'll be paying for my next trip, or at the very least helping. And I wouldn't have gone over budget at all if I hadn't caved and taken us to a Hibachi restaurant. Damn that delicious Japanese food!

Also, it's a different sort of relationship. That's all I'll say about it, really. But suffice it to say he's got me doing about 500 crunches a day. The first day was horrible. I got a headache and felt sick. And then I was SOOOOO sore the next day. I couldn't do all of them the next day or any at all the next, and eventually I got him to ease up on the requirement. Now I just have to do 300, and at least attempt the rest. They're in sets of 100 of different types, you see. But today I managed to do all 500, and I'm in no pain whatsoever. I'm getting stronger, I've lost weight, which is what I wanted to do. Jeff says he loves my body the way it is, but since I wanted to lose weight, he's going to help me. And he has! I'm absolutely stunned that I can work out so much and feel so little pain after. I'm capable of much more than I thought I was.

He may be out in the field this next weekend though, whatever that means, so I may not see him this weekend. The next weekend, though, me and my friends are going to a weekend long camping style Ren. Fest, and he wants to come, so I'm going to pick him up after work Friday, drive him all the way back (yes, a trip of Longview to Lubbock proportions), and then take him home after work Monday. I will be EXHAUSTED on Tuesday at work. But will it be worth it? Methinks yes.

Oh. And I have a cat. His name is Chairman Meow. I call him Chairman for short. Jeff is insisting on calling him Mr. Meow.

In other news, I got more stuff from my dad in the mail today. I can't remember if I've mentioned it, but he's sending me a lot of things because he and his wife and stepchildren are cleaning out their storage lockers and they don't have enough room for everything. Hence, I get a bunch of cool and/or sentimental and/or antique-y things. Today's loot included tapes of my dad singing in college, newspaper articles about him and my mom, some framed pictures of family as well as the great pyramids and sphinx in Egypt and a castle in....Poland? I think? And a shaving cup from my great-great-great-grandfather (at least), some old children's books, a small letter writing desk my dad had bought and stained when he was little, an Independence Day mug my dad got when his college choir was singing somewhere on the 4th of July, and also some Proactive sets they had ordered for my stepbrother that he never used. Which is good, because all of this driving around is making my skin break out. Idk why. I just always get gross when I'm in the car for too long.

I should really be in bed right now, but I'm not tired since I took a nap after work. Which I needed to do b/c I didn't get back from Jeff's until like 1 in the morning last night. Or early THIS morning. However you want to look at it.

Okay. But now it's time for PICTURES AND QUOTES AND SHIT!

Okay. So just pictures today. Whatever.

Peace.