I Grew Strong

You haven't changed a bit. But I? You wouldn't even recognize me anymore.

It's just sad. I guess you'll never learn.

Stealing Other People's Toys On the Playground Doesn't Get You Many Friends

So I'm a bit drunk.

Woo!

Anyway. I went to the movies with my friend from work today. And we couldn't get a hold of the guy I like and I feel so helpless. I don't have his number and he doesn't have mine. I'm totally dependent on her. I can't make her invite me places and I can't make her able to get a hold of him if he doesn't have a freakin' cell phone.

What if I never see him again?

I like him way too much already. He's in my head all the time and now I'm terrified. I just want to be with him. And that scares me and I'm already in pain from missing him. Idk how it happened. I feel like I'm in high school and I'm crushing on Brandon all over again.

The logical part of me says it will be okay. If I can survive after all I went through with my last ex, with how much I loved him, then I can get through this. I know that. But I don't want to get through it. I want it to work. I want to succeed at this.

And on a separate note, I'm watching Black Books and they're playing Monopoly and now I want to play Monopoly.

No Amount of Vintage Dresses Gives You Dignity

You know who you are.

Anyway, it's been over a week since I saw him and I'm pretty much dying. I was a dumbass and didn't think to give my number, so now I have to wait until the next trip we go on to see him. It's pretty much the worst and best torture I've ever experienced.

Meanwhile I'm starting to panic about my apartment. My parents are really good at making me freak out about stuff. I couldn't look at the apartment I was going to get but I did manage to ask to see a different floorplan but that had the same cabinets. I was alright with it. But now my parents are all "But you didn't see the actual one! It could be worse! It could have rotten floors!" And blah blah blah. So now I'm all worried again and I'm going to try to see if the actual room is empty for me to look at again. Hoping for the best because I haven't applied anywhere else. It costs money to apply at each place I go to! I'm not made of money. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I'll see if I can see the room and I guess I'll look at some other places too, to be safe. Ugh. I just want this whole ordeal to be done and settled. And I still have to arrange a time to go to Baton Rouge to get my furniture, and bring it all back, and YARG!

I'm getting a massage weekend after next though, which should be nice. Friday I'm working at AE again. That's going to be a LONG day, let me tell you. Working from 8:30 to 5:30, then from 7pm to 1am. Ouch. But I need that money badly.

***

You know she is official when its unofficial and she is still loyal.

And all the things

That I wished I had not said

Are played on loops

Till it's madness in my head.

 

we are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.

But right now everything looks strange to me, as if I don’t belong here. It’s me that’s out of place. And the worst thing is that I feel there’s somewhere I do belong, but I just can’t find it.

And then she saw it, the anguish shattering his gaze, as if he simply couldn`t fight any longer. The defeat as the walls finally crumbled and she saw what was underneath.

Something in your eyes was so inviting. Something in your smile was so exciting.  

All my life I've been searchign for you , How did I survive in this world before you?

'Cause I don't want to live another day without you now.

It was your world, baby and I just lived in it.

 

Well they say you can't have, everything you want
All of the time
But I won't sleep and I won't stop
Until you're mine. 

you're dangerous cause your honest, you're dangerous cause you don't know what you want.

I know its over and it never really began , but in my heart it was so real.

I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm just so sane that it blows your mind.  

 I used to think you took my breath away then I realized I was just being suffocated by your bullshit.

 

I look for you in everyone.

Time Has Brought Your Heart to Me

Why? Why can't I get him out of my head? It's scary and I hate it, but not because I hate it. I hate it because I want to stop THINKING about him and start SEEING him. It's only been a few days, but I'm pretty much dying.

Idk why it's driving me this crazy. But it is. And I like it. I don't hate it, I like it.

I wasn't sure this could happen to me ever again. It's like...all of this hope for my future has come back. Even if it's not him. The point is, I'm capable of feeling something again.

But I'm sorta hoping I snag this one. :p Obviously. Isn't that what liking someone entails?

My spa day is all scheduled up, my apartment is almost in order, and I think I've set the date to move out. Heather is coming in next weekend. Going to try hanging out with Ashley soon.

Life is coming together. And in Longview. Who knew?

The only thing is that I ran the numbers again and I'm really afraid about my budget. I have so little wiggle room each month that it's making me panicky. Damn student loans.

I Have Dreams of Orca Whales

Oh life...what ups and downs you throw me.

Thursday and Friday at work were difficult. I made my first car ad for a newspaper and I don't really know how to design that way. The ad I made looks different from most car ads, and it took forever to finish because we kept missing things. Ugh. It was stressful. I went out with my coworker Irma Thursday after work for drinks. We had a good time! I came home to my parents griping at me about drinking and driving, though. I mean, I get that they're worried, and I get that driving while intoxicated is bad. But I wish they would trust me to know when I'm okay to drive and when I'm not. I'm smart enough to be able to tell. And I was perfectly fine. But they went on and on about how I was being childish and how I was going to get a DUI, lose my license, and get fired from my job. All I want is to be treated like I'm smart enough to know what's okay and what's not. That's all.

I had lunch with my mom Wednesday at Little Thai House, one of my new fave places to eat. So freakin' delicious.

And let's see. Friday I went to the bar with Tiffany and played darts. And just drank water lol. And Saturday I went to dinner with a friend, her bf, and her bf's friend. Then we went back to her apartment and watched Insidious and Revenge of the Nerds.

And let's just say I definitely have a crush on the friend. And let's just say the night went....very well. :p

I am in a very good mood.

*****

When shit goes south, you realize your friends are all you got; tonight all I wanna do is live a little, drink a lot.

Here's a toast. To the good days, the better friends. The ones that you just can't live without. The people that have taught you how to party. How to live. How to have a good time just sitting around. Here are to the people that no matter how bad things seem, are going to be there for you. To lean back on and catch you if you fall.

You're not a slut? Bitch please I heard there's a party in your mouth and everyone is cumming.

Cheers to the girls, screw the guys. We’re sick of their shit and stupid lies. We don’t need them. Nope, not us. Good for a scam but never to trust. So here’s what we do. Together we stand. We’ll party it up with shots in each hand. Alone in our beds, of course, it might end but we don’t get dumped, we still have our friends.