We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together

Getting ready for the Ren. Fest this weekend! Super excited. I'm even excited about sleeping in a tent. I've never done it before. I am nervous about bugs getting in though...if I wake up next to a spider, I don't think I'll sleep the rest of the weekend. I will be requiring everyone to keep the flaps closed and zipped at all times. They'll learn after the first time when I don't stop bitching and eventually give in.

In other news, which is actually huge news, we have now had our election! While the rest of Texas is getting ready to pack up to move out of the country, I'm secretly celebrating inside. If I tell my family I voted Obama, I'd probably be shunned. Glad both of my best friends have more similar ideas to me.

I swear, when I walked into the polling office, I heard some guy who was passing by saying loudly and obnoxiously that Obamacare would only "serve blacks," with a stupid, arrogant, hick grin on his face.

So I voted for him even harder.

Side note. My friend has just sent me a picture of a giant tub of a tea-colored drink. Then she proceeds to tell me she's mixed our drinks for the weekend. This is how she gives me the good news: "I just had power over your primary shitface material. Drink knowing it's two bottles of fruit punch vodka and everclear."

I love my best friends.

The Chemistry Between Us Could Destroy This Place

It's been forever since I've written! So much has changed since last time. I'm now living in my very own apartment, and budgeting myself relatively well. And I was so worried before!

I DID go over about $15 this month, but that's simply because I now have a BOYFRIEND, yes, a BOYFRIEND, and he lives about four hours away so it costs me to drive to see him. He'd come see me but he's in the Army and living on the barracks and he doesn't have a car. Anyway, he's getting paid soon so he'll be paying for my next trip, or at the very least helping. And I wouldn't have gone over budget at all if I hadn't caved and taken us to a Hibachi restaurant. Damn that delicious Japanese food!

Also, it's a different sort of relationship. That's all I'll say about it, really. But suffice it to say he's got me doing about 500 crunches a day. The first day was horrible. I got a headache and felt sick. And then I was SOOOOO sore the next day. I couldn't do all of them the next day or any at all the next, and eventually I got him to ease up on the requirement. Now I just have to do 300, and at least attempt the rest. They're in sets of 100 of different types, you see. But today I managed to do all 500, and I'm in no pain whatsoever. I'm getting stronger, I've lost weight, which is what I wanted to do. Jeff says he loves my body the way it is, but since I wanted to lose weight, he's going to help me. And he has! I'm absolutely stunned that I can work out so much and feel so little pain after. I'm capable of much more than I thought I was.

He may be out in the field this next weekend though, whatever that means, so I may not see him this weekend. The next weekend, though, me and my friends are going to a weekend long camping style Ren. Fest, and he wants to come, so I'm going to pick him up after work Friday, drive him all the way back (yes, a trip of Longview to Lubbock proportions), and then take him home after work Monday. I will be EXHAUSTED on Tuesday at work. But will it be worth it? Methinks yes.

Oh. And I have a cat. His name is Chairman Meow. I call him Chairman for short. Jeff is insisting on calling him Mr. Meow.

In other news, I got more stuff from my dad in the mail today. I can't remember if I've mentioned it, but he's sending me a lot of things because he and his wife and stepchildren are cleaning out their storage lockers and they don't have enough room for everything. Hence, I get a bunch of cool and/or sentimental and/or antique-y things. Today's loot included tapes of my dad singing in college, newspaper articles about him and my mom, some framed pictures of family as well as the great pyramids and sphinx in Egypt and a castle in....Poland? I think? And a shaving cup from my great-great-great-grandfather (at least), some old children's books, a small letter writing desk my dad had bought and stained when he was little, an Independence Day mug my dad got when his college choir was singing somewhere on the 4th of July, and also some Proactive sets they had ordered for my stepbrother that he never used. Which is good, because all of this driving around is making my skin break out. Idk why. I just always get gross when I'm in the car for too long.

I should really be in bed right now, but I'm not tired since I took a nap after work. Which I needed to do b/c I didn't get back from Jeff's until like 1 in the morning last night. Or early THIS morning. However you want to look at it.

Okay. But now it's time for PICTURES AND QUOTES AND SHIT!

Okay. So just pictures today. Whatever.

Peace.

I Grew Strong

You haven't changed a bit. But I? You wouldn't even recognize me anymore.

It's just sad. I guess you'll never learn.

Stealing Other People's Toys On the Playground Doesn't Get You Many Friends

So I'm a bit drunk.

Woo!

Anyway. I went to the movies with my friend from work today. And we couldn't get a hold of the guy I like and I feel so helpless. I don't have his number and he doesn't have mine. I'm totally dependent on her. I can't make her invite me places and I can't make her able to get a hold of him if he doesn't have a freakin' cell phone.

What if I never see him again?

I like him way too much already. He's in my head all the time and now I'm terrified. I just want to be with him. And that scares me and I'm already in pain from missing him. Idk how it happened. I feel like I'm in high school and I'm crushing on Brandon all over again.

The logical part of me says it will be okay. If I can survive after all I went through with my last ex, with how much I loved him, then I can get through this. I know that. But I don't want to get through it. I want it to work. I want to succeed at this.

And on a separate note, I'm watching Black Books and they're playing Monopoly and now I want to play Monopoly.

No Amount of Vintage Dresses Gives You Dignity

You know who you are.

Anyway, it's been over a week since I saw him and I'm pretty much dying. I was a dumbass and didn't think to give my number, so now I have to wait until the next trip we go on to see him. It's pretty much the worst and best torture I've ever experienced.

Meanwhile I'm starting to panic about my apartment. My parents are really good at making me freak out about stuff. I couldn't look at the apartment I was going to get but I did manage to ask to see a different floorplan but that had the same cabinets. I was alright with it. But now my parents are all "But you didn't see the actual one! It could be worse! It could have rotten floors!" And blah blah blah. So now I'm all worried again and I'm going to try to see if the actual room is empty for me to look at again. Hoping for the best because I haven't applied anywhere else. It costs money to apply at each place I go to! I'm not made of money. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I'll see if I can see the room and I guess I'll look at some other places too, to be safe. Ugh. I just want this whole ordeal to be done and settled. And I still have to arrange a time to go to Baton Rouge to get my furniture, and bring it all back, and YARG!

I'm getting a massage weekend after next though, which should be nice. Friday I'm working at AE again. That's going to be a LONG day, let me tell you. Working from 8:30 to 5:30, then from 7pm to 1am. Ouch. But I need that money badly.

***

You know she is official when its unofficial and she is still loyal.

And all the things

That I wished I had not said

Are played on loops

Till it's madness in my head.

 

we are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.

But right now everything looks strange to me, as if I don’t belong here. It’s me that’s out of place. And the worst thing is that I feel there’s somewhere I do belong, but I just can’t find it.

And then she saw it, the anguish shattering his gaze, as if he simply couldn`t fight any longer. The defeat as the walls finally crumbled and she saw what was underneath.

Something in your eyes was so inviting. Something in your smile was so exciting.  

All my life I've been searchign for you , How did I survive in this world before you?

'Cause I don't want to live another day without you now.

It was your world, baby and I just lived in it.

 

Well they say you can't have, everything you want
All of the time
But I won't sleep and I won't stop
Until you're mine. 

you're dangerous cause your honest, you're dangerous cause you don't know what you want.

I know its over and it never really began , but in my heart it was so real.

I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm just so sane that it blows your mind.  

 I used to think you took my breath away then I realized I was just being suffocated by your bullshit.

 

I look for you in everyone.

Time Has Brought Your Heart to Me

Why? Why can't I get him out of my head? It's scary and I hate it, but not because I hate it. I hate it because I want to stop THINKING about him and start SEEING him. It's only been a few days, but I'm pretty much dying.

Idk why it's driving me this crazy. But it is. And I like it. I don't hate it, I like it.

I wasn't sure this could happen to me ever again. It's like...all of this hope for my future has come back. Even if it's not him. The point is, I'm capable of feeling something again.

But I'm sorta hoping I snag this one. :p Obviously. Isn't that what liking someone entails?

My spa day is all scheduled up, my apartment is almost in order, and I think I've set the date to move out. Heather is coming in next weekend. Going to try hanging out with Ashley soon.

Life is coming together. And in Longview. Who knew?

The only thing is that I ran the numbers again and I'm really afraid about my budget. I have so little wiggle room each month that it's making me panicky. Damn student loans.

I Have Dreams of Orca Whales

Oh life...what ups and downs you throw me.

Thursday and Friday at work were difficult. I made my first car ad for a newspaper and I don't really know how to design that way. The ad I made looks different from most car ads, and it took forever to finish because we kept missing things. Ugh. It was stressful. I went out with my coworker Irma Thursday after work for drinks. We had a good time! I came home to my parents griping at me about drinking and driving, though. I mean, I get that they're worried, and I get that driving while intoxicated is bad. But I wish they would trust me to know when I'm okay to drive and when I'm not. I'm smart enough to be able to tell. And I was perfectly fine. But they went on and on about how I was being childish and how I was going to get a DUI, lose my license, and get fired from my job. All I want is to be treated like I'm smart enough to know what's okay and what's not. That's all.

I had lunch with my mom Wednesday at Little Thai House, one of my new fave places to eat. So freakin' delicious.

And let's see. Friday I went to the bar with Tiffany and played darts. And just drank water lol. And Saturday I went to dinner with a friend, her bf, and her bf's friend. Then we went back to her apartment and watched Insidious and Revenge of the Nerds.

And let's just say I definitely have a crush on the friend. And let's just say the night went....very well. :p

I am in a very good mood.

*****

When shit goes south, you realize your friends are all you got; tonight all I wanna do is live a little, drink a lot.

Here's a toast. To the good days, the better friends. The ones that you just can't live without. The people that have taught you how to party. How to live. How to have a good time just sitting around. Here are to the people that no matter how bad things seem, are going to be there for you. To lean back on and catch you if you fall.

You're not a slut? Bitch please I heard there's a party in your mouth and everyone is cumming.

Cheers to the girls, screw the guys. We’re sick of their shit and stupid lies. We don’t need them. Nope, not us. Good for a scam but never to trust. So here’s what we do. Together we stand. We’ll party it up with shots in each hand. Alone in our beds, of course, it might end but we don’t get dumped, we still have our friends.