I'm having trouble on a project at work, and I'm stressing more than usual because it's for a very important client. Of course, Nic has got a good design if I can't get one out, but it's a huge ego blow, and I want to impress my boss. I have on my websites, so that's good. Still, everyone's making a big deal about how this is an important project and it can get us more projects in the future. So I really want to do well on it to show that I'm not just a bunch of dead weight, that I'm useful to the future of the company.
Ugh. Maybe tomorrow I'll do better. Every artist has blocks, right?
Meanwhile, we're babysitting my stepsister's kids, and they're probably the most well behaved kids, but that still doesn't mean I'm handling having to color with them and play with playdough with them after work when all I want to do is hole up in my room and watch Netflix.
Idk why, but my issue with alcohol is coming back. Not nearly as strongly, but still. I was doing well for a while. And now I'm like wanting to drink for no reason again. I don't get it. But at least I'm doing it in moderation. I know how to tell when to stop, and I don't give in.
I think mostly I just got sick of hangovers. They're hell.
Also, I just want to say that I had an epiphany. And that is that there's no guaranteed happy ending for everyone. I've spent my whole life believing that I'm going to meet the perfect guy and live happily every after with him. And there is still a part of me that does believe that, and will always, no matter what. But another part of me realizes, the logical part of me, realizes that not everyone gets their happy endings. I've seen it too many times. People who die alone, who spend their life living in trailers, or jumping from abusive man to abusive man. We're not guaranteed anything, and we all are trying to depend on others to give us our happiness. But the only one that's going to make us happy is ourselves. We have to take care of ourselves. Stop waiting for someone to treat you right or give you your happy ending. They may not. You have to do it yourself.
*****
If you can see a future for yourself without me that doesn't break your heart, then we're not doing what I thought we were doing.
If you don't want me now, I don't want you later.
Whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.
Sometimes you have those days where only your middle finger can answer things.
It's kind of complicated but I'll tell you this, the second you're willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that's love right there.
Life is a balance of holding on, letting go, and knowing when to do one of the two.
I just don't have enough middle fingers, to show you how I feel.
If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never get it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.
Reality of fear: You’re not scared of the dark; you’re scared of what’s in it. You’re not afraid of heights; you’re afraid of falling. You’re not afraid of the people around you; you’re afraid of rejection. You’re not afraid to love; you’re just afraid of not being loved back. You’re not afraid to let go; you’re just afraid of accepting the fact it’s gone. You’re not afraid to let go; you’re afraid of getting hurt for the same reason.
We cannot change our memories, but we can change their meaning and the power they have over us.
Life is trial and error, every relationship is not meant to work, sometimes you're just meant to learn the lesson.
You can say sorry a million times, say I love you as much as you want. Say whatever you want, whenever, or however you want. But if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, don’t say anything at all. If you can’t show it, your words mean nothing.
We're afraid to care too much, because we fear that the other person doesn't care at all.
Three things you cannot recover in life: The moment after it’s missed, the word after it’s said, and the time after it’s wasted.
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