When the Daylight Comes I'll Have to Go

Well, work has been more stressful than usual lately. I've been working through lunches and staying late more. But I think this shows they're trusting me with some bigger things now. Today I made a brochure. In one day. Craziness.

But once again, I'm going to have to reschedule my doctor's appointment Wednesday. Lame.

Let's see...what else is new? I got my cat neutered. That was stressful.

Oh! I've got a gym membership now. I've started going with my best friend Tiffany. I think it's helping. Plus I'm doing better eating healthy on the weekdays. Today I just had a sort of snack pack...apple slices, cheese, and some pretzels for lunch, with celery sticks and cream cheese. Okay, that sounds like a lot when you list it, but it's all healthy and there were small portions!

And I still super-duper miss Jeff.

I Had My Heart Set On You

Why is it that I always get depressed whenever I watch love stories or cute videos of proposals?

On the plus side, this project at work got totally switched over to me. I was excited. Well, but then I got sad when I looked at the other designer's new project and it looks amazing. And I always compare myself to other designers.

There's seriously something wrong with me.

But I have a lot of chocolate bars stocked up! I had a coupon for 3 Musketeers and then today at lunch I found this super cute old-fashioned looking chocolate bar so I bought that too. Fatness here I come.

Actually I'm trying to do well on weekdays, watching portions and avoiding sweets, then eating whatever on weekends. I know that's cheating, but seriously, I would fail entirely if I didn't let myself splurge because there's just no way I have enough willpower to cut out the good stuff almost always.

Whatevs. I do 1000 crunches/ab exercises five nights a week. I eat what I want.

Shame On Me Now

Bread machines = pure awesome.

But there is something more awesome than a bread machine. And that is Mark Reads Harry Potter. My new obsession. I'm about two years too late, so it sucks that I can't comment on the posts, but it's nice because I don't have to wait for him to come out with the next post.

Basically, I get to relive my first Harry Potter reading experience vicariously through Mark, who posts his reactions to each HP chapter as he reads the books for the first time at the age of 26 (I think it's 26.) And it's freaking hilarious. I'm so happy I get to watch him slowly dissolve into uncontrollable fanboyism. Although in the summary it says I can watch while he turns into a TEMPORARY HP fan, so I'm assuming something happens later on that he doesn't like, or he just gets over it after a while. Which is disappointing. But for now, I'm having a good time.

And I still haven't seen Jeff in a while, but he's been able to text and talk more, so that's nice.

I'm Not Gonna Stay to Watch You Circle the Drain

I've been at my apartment pretty much all weekend. All day yesterday, all day today. And I must be really weird because I'm really enjoying it. I love me time. I love just hanging out and doing my own thing, relaxing, cooking my own meals.

I took some time last night and this morning to edit what I have on my HP fanfiction so far, which is only about 1 and a half chapters, 12 or so pages in Word. NOT double spaced. ;)

I'm just not good at getting very far or writing a lot at once because I overthink every sentence. I'm pretty sure I revise just about every one about ten times each.

I'm nervous about work still. I want to go in there and prove that I'm a good designer, and every time this client comes around I have a panic fit because I know it's not up to scratch. Just that client. I don't understand why it gets me so stuck. It's like I have a very specific artists block. And I don't know how to get over it but I've just got to, because my job is on the line. It's horrifying.

Being an adult is horrifying.

I Knew You Were Trouble

Went bowling last night and I didn't do awful by my standards. I even got a spare once. Which is good for me. Then we went to Starbucks and I got Hat Guy to watch Black Books when he went home. He texted and said he laughed so hard he accidentally punched himself in the nose. TV show success.

I haven't heard from Jeff in a long time. He did manage to send me a text saying he missed and loved me dearly but I don't think he can text much at all because he's not supposed to have his phone while he's working. I miss him too, very badly. It's been way too long since we've talked and even longer since we've seen each other.

Work is getting difficult. I need to get my act together. I do so well but there's just this one monthly project that I always suck at and idk why. My boss got onto me. That's all I'll say there. And also that I need a good drink.

Today I'm trying to drink a gallon of water. It's supposed to flush out some of your water weight. I'm about a third down and I'm having to pee much more then usual. O.o

And I suppose that's about it.

I Love You Never Felt Like Any Blessing

I've pretty much had the same song stuck in my head for a week now. Dangit.
So the fight with Jeff was worked out pretty well. I believe I did overreact in some regards, and I wish I knew how to control that. I really wish I did. I'm doing better though. I didn't bombard him with texts after we said goodbye, even though I had more I wanted to say. I waited. It was hard, but I waited. And when I did talk to him again, there was no drama. It was easy. Things with him aren't perfect, but they're certainly so much easier than with my last boyfriend. Things that we would have fought about to the point of breakup, with Jeff he just simply passes over as if they're nothing. It's nice. The only thing is I wish I got to talk to him more. He's always so busy, and he's not a big texter. I miss him.

I only went to work two days this week. Two were holiday, one was a snow day our boss let us have off due to weather. It's nice. Next week we get Tuesday off too because it's New Years Day. So excited! But then it's back to the normal grind.

We get profit sharing Monday though so I'm very excited for that. It will be nice to have the extra money, even though I'm saving most of it. I may need it for a decent wedding/honeymoon, or when I want to buy a dog, or another vacation, or simply for retirement or emergencies.

Plus Monday is the December birthday dinner so that should be delicious, and quite possibly free.

 

My Beloved Was Weighed Down

Maybe I really am the issue in all of my relationships. Had an argument today. And of course I'm still miserable about it. I'm miserable until every detail is worked out. Why am I so obsessive? Why can't I just let things go?

And on the other hand, why should I? Why should I let something go that has hurt me with no apology and no compromise? When we haven't talked through the things that are unfair and hurtful, without reassurances that perhaps I'm worrying for no reason? Don't I deserve to be put at ease?

I hope he does what he says he will and calls me tonight. If not idk what I'll do. I just want to erase today and start over.

I'm so tired.